International Bon Vivant and Raconteur (nick_kaufmann) wrote,
International Bon Vivant and Raconteur

Sexy Holiday Costumes Sure to Jingle Your Bells

If you're like me, during the holiday season the first thing you think of is how great your lover would look in a sexy, holiday-themed costume. Of course, I tend to think of this even when it's not the holidays, and even when I don't have a lover, because that's the way my mind works. Girl-crazy, me? Never! Anyway, onward...

There seems to be quite a plethora of options for Christmas-themed boudoir naughtiness. Almost as many as there are on Halloween. A visit to reveals dozens upon dozens of costumes guaranteed to bring the Christmas cheer, and that's just one store out of hundreds offering similar merchandise. Let's take a look at some of my favorite outfits that will make your night not so silent.

This one is called Exotic Santa. I'm not sure exactly why, but I also don't care. All I know is that this costume makes me want to stay up until Santa comes!

This is called Santa's Halter Suspenders. Santa doesn't know if you've been naughty or nice, and frankly he no longer gives a shit. Hell, he won't even remember how to spell "naughty," but he'll definitely give you a tour of the North Pole!

This one's called Jingle My Bells. Done and done!

Awww, this Sexy Elf costume is adorable. Perfect for an intimate Christmas Eve at home by the fire or for picking up men at the Ren Faire. Not recommended for use as SCA armor, though.

I'm not sure why this Silent Night costume comes with restraints, but I ain't complaining! Nice? Naughty? Reward? Punishment? It's all the same!

The Christmas Bow. What do you give the man who has everything? Apparently, your butt!

Now, you're probably asking yourself, "What's a nice Jewish boy like N-Kauf doing looking at Christmas-themed adult costumes?" Well, that's a good question with a very disappointing answer. The truth is, there are no sexy Hanukkah costumes. Believe me, I looked. Want to see all I could find when I Googled "sexy Hanukkah costumes"?

It's an apron, people. An apron. Not even a sexy apron that shows off your lover's legs, just a regular goddamn apron.

Are you kidding me? Has no one ever thought of making two satin dreidel cutouts and stringing them together into a bikini top? Or some kind of peekaboo teddy with a menorah theme? Dude, how is the Rock of Ages supposed to remain your sheltering tower without sexy Hanukkah costumes? It's an outrage! Frankly, anyone who starts a line of sexy Hanukkah costumes will be raking in the cash hand over fist, so someone should get started pronto!
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