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I Will Never Eat Flan Again, Ever - Nicholas Kaufmann's Journal [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
International Bon Vivant and Raconteur

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I Will Never Eat Flan Again, Ever [Dec. 1st, 2008|07:07 pm]
International Bon Vivant and Raconteur
Found via crevette, whom I will now kill:



Take a good look at the subtitle on the cover. Can you read it? Yes, this is real. Don't let the flan on the cover fool you, either -- it's not just for making creamy dessert toppings! Here's a sample recipe:

ALMOST WHITE RUSSIAN

2 oz Vodka
1 oz Coffee liqueur
1/2 oz semen
cream or milk
ice cubes

Pour vodka, semen and coffee liqueur over ice cubes and top up the glass with milk or cream.


Still not quite feeling queasy enough? Never fear! Natural Harvest has just the thing:

MAN MADE OYSTERS

Cleaned oyster shells
Chilled fresh semen, the more the better
Ice
Lemon and pepper garnish

First clean the oyster shells in cold water. Do not use soap since the shell easily absorbs the nasty taste of soap. Spoon the chilled, fresh semen into each shell. Serve simply on ice with just a squeeze of fresh lemon and maybe a grind of black pepper.

Chef's note: A true semen connoisseur might forego the lemon and pepper in favor of the non-adulterated semen flavor.


Yeah, that should do it. You're welcome, Internet!

More information on Natural Harvest, should you actually want it, can be found here.
LinkReply

Comments:
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[User Picture]From: txtriffidranch
2008-12-02 12:31 am (UTC)
Oh, he's just greasing the pan. It's special grease.
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[User Picture]From: nick_kaufmann
2008-12-02 12:34 am (UTC)
I wonder how quickly the title Cooking With Cum was changed to Natural Harvest?
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[User Picture]From: vschanoes
2008-12-02 12:34 am (UTC)
Don't ever post anything like this on my friends page ever, ever again.
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[User Picture]From: nick_kaufmann
2008-12-02 12:34 am (UTC)
You are welcome!
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[User Picture]From: snurri
2008-12-02 12:35 am (UTC)
FINALLY.
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[User Picture]From: nick_kaufmann
2008-12-02 12:37 am (UTC)
I know! And to think of all the fresh ingredients I foolishly squandered all these years!
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[User Picture]From: dean_italiano
2008-12-02 01:00 am (UTC)
That can't be serious. At least not human. Right?

Come on. ;)
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[User Picture]From: nick_kaufmann
2008-12-02 01:31 am (UTC)
Ewww, that would make it even worse! Wouldn't you at least want it to be your own or your partner's?
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[User Picture]From: ferragus
2008-12-02 01:01 am (UTC)
Oh My Gawd!

Of course you know, this means war.

For the greater good of the Intertubes, you must be eliminated.

War Tubas at the ready!

(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: nick_kaufmann
2008-12-02 01:31 am (UTC)
Shock and awe, baby. Shock and awe.
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[User Picture]From: pabba
2008-12-02 01:10 am (UTC)
I HATE YOU FOR MAKING ME READ THIS!
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[User Picture]From: nick_kaufmann
2008-12-02 01:31 am (UTC)
You're welcome!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: catsparx
2008-12-02 01:13 am (UTC)
I am never reading your blog at lunchtime again.
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[User Picture]From: nick_kaufmann
2008-12-02 01:31 am (UTC)
Oh god, I'm sorry...
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[User Picture]From: crevette
2008-12-02 01:22 am (UTC)
Dude, at least I made it a clickable link. You just let it all hang out.

(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: nick_kaufmann
2008-12-02 01:32 am (UTC)
Yeah, I made a real mess all over everything.
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[User Picture]From: jeffpalmatier
2008-12-02 01:45 am (UTC)
Could this be a joke?
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[User Picture]From: nick_kaufmann
2008-12-02 02:18 am (UTC)
If only!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: cinriter
2008-12-02 01:46 am (UTC)
"Do not use soap since the shell easily absorbs the nasty taste of soap."

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
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[User Picture]From: nick_kaufmann
2008-12-02 02:19 am (UTC)
I know, I had the same thought. Ha!
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[User Picture]From: lokilokust
2008-12-02 02:03 am (UTC)
i think i need to get that.
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[User Picture]From: nick_kaufmann
2008-12-02 02:19 am (UTC)
Then give it to Tomo for Tomoviewing.
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[User Picture]From: benpeek
2008-12-02 02:31 am (UTC)
well, the xmas shopping is now complete.
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[User Picture]From: nick_kaufmann
2008-12-02 02:32 am (UTC)
"Merry Christmas, mom!"
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[User Picture]From: suricattus
2008-12-02 02:38 am (UTC)
y'know, it's a sad commentary on...something that you're not the first person on my f-list to mention this.

All I can say is, a straight guy must have come up with the idea.
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[User Picture]From: nick_kaufmann
2008-12-02 02:41 am (UTC)
I can't tell what gender the name Fotie Photenhauer is, but it takes all kinds!
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[User Picture]From: angielabrie
2008-12-02 03:16 am (UTC)
Please see the latest post I submitted. You got my response there, Good Sir ;o)
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[User Picture]From: secritcrush
2008-12-02 07:00 am (UTC)

eee!

Wow, between your post and this one, it's been a hell of a morning to get the internet back.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: nick_kaufmann
2008-12-02 02:19 pm (UTC)

Re: eee!

You gotta love when ethnicity becomes a fetish.
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