International Bon Vivant and Raconteur (nick_kaufmann) wrote,
International Bon Vivant and Raconteur
nick_kaufmann

I Will Never Eat Flan Again, Ever

Found via crevette, whom I will now kill:



Take a good look at the subtitle on the cover. Can you read it? Yes, this is real. Don't let the flan on the cover fool you, either -- it's not just for making creamy dessert toppings! Here's a sample recipe:

ALMOST WHITE RUSSIAN

2 oz Vodka
1 oz Coffee liqueur
1/2 oz semen
cream or milk
ice cubes

Pour vodka, semen and coffee liqueur over ice cubes and top up the glass with milk or cream.


Still not quite feeling queasy enough? Never fear! Natural Harvest has just the thing:

MAN MADE OYSTERS

Cleaned oyster shells
Chilled fresh semen, the more the better
Ice
Lemon and pepper garnish

First clean the oyster shells in cold water. Do not use soap since the shell easily absorbs the nasty taste of soap. Spoon the chilled, fresh semen into each shell. Serve simply on ice with just a squeeze of fresh lemon and maybe a grind of black pepper.

Chef's note: A true semen connoisseur might forego the lemon and pepper in favor of the non-adulterated semen flavor.


Yeah, that should do it. You're welcome, Internet!

More information on Natural Harvest, should you actually want it, can be found here.
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  • A Night of Dark Fiction

    Join multiple award-nominated and critically acclaimed New York City authors Karen Heuler, John C. Foster, and Nicholas Kaufmann for a night of…

  • 100 FATHOMS BELOW Book Launch!

    On Thursday, October 18th, at 8 PM, join Bram Stoker Award-nominated, Thriller Award-nominated, and Shirley Jackson Award-nominated author Nicholas…

  • R.I.P. Peter Mayer

    I’m very sorry to hear that Peter Mayer has passed away at the age of 82. His family was close with my family, and he was my very first boss…