I went out to dinner tonight with my mom, a birthday tradition, and sobbed into my chicken parmigiana about how old I am before snapping my fingers for the waiter and calling him "boy." Later I stole some dinner rolls and Splenda packets in my bag.
She also bought me $5 worth of MegaMillions numbers. That $270 million jackpot is so going to be mine!
Then I will buy the HWA and every Bram Stoker Award every year will be given to ME!
And with the other $269,999,995 I'm going to buy myself a nice apartment in a Florida retirement home where I can play mahjong all day and bingo at night.