I finally bit the bullet and ordered a brand spanking new MacBook, and I spent much of last night setting it up. I can't get online with it yet -- I'm writing this from work -- but I've been slowly transferring files from Frankencomputer to the new one via a flash drive (which I think is the most awesome thing ever invented, since it means I don't have to email everything to myself in order to move it to the MacBook). Once it's all set, though, I'll be able to use iTunes and YouTube and Flickr and all those other things that everyone but me has been able to enjoy for years now.
In the meantime, I've been skimming posts on LJ and commenting occasionally. I've been so-so about answering emails because I can only work on the old computer for a few minutes at a time. However, I plan to be back online in full soon.
You can also look forward to less complaining from me about embedded YouTube videos on my friends list. I'll probably still hate them on principle, but at least they won't fuck up my browser anymore.