|The Awards You Care About
||[Feb. 28th, 2011|09:42 am]
International Bon Vivant and Raconteur
I found this year's Oscars unwatchable. More so than usual. Thank goodness there was a House marathon on Sleuth! During the commercial breaks, I would switch back to the Oscars to see what was happening but couldn't take it for more than a minute at a time. What I saw was boring, poorly written, and poorly executed. Worse, the hosts had terrible chemistry. James Franco brought zero energy to the proceedings, and Anne Hathaway tried to make up for it by coming on way too strong. It was like visiting the home of a couple you don't understand and don't want to be around. You can't leave fast enough.
Next year, I think the Oscars should be hosted by Randy Quaid in full on psychosis. "You're all star whackers!" It would be the best sixteen and a half hours of television ever.
Luckily, there was another awards ceremony taking place this weekend, one far more relevant than the Oscars. I'm talking, of course, about the Razzies. Remember the names on this list of "winners," folks, because in just a few months' time you'll be seeing them again as actual winners of the Saturn Award. Just saying.
Worst Picture: The Last Airbender.
Worst Actor: Ashton Kutcher for his work in Killers and Valentine's Day.
Worst Actress: A four-way tie between Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis, and Cynthia Nixon for Sex and the City 2. A shocking upset for Megan Fox in Jonah Hex!
Worst Supporting Actor: Jackson Rathbone for The Last Airbender and Twilight Saga: Eclipse.
Worst Supporting Actress: Jessica Alba for The Killer Inside Me, Little Fockers, Machete and Valentine’s Day. Ms. Alba has had quite a year. Think of all the money that could have been donated to the homeless and hungry instead.
Worst Eye-Gouging Mis-Use of 3-D: The Last Airbender. Stolen, if you ask me, from Clash of the Titans. (Also, this category is not to be confused with Worst Eye-Gouging Misuse of Hyphens.)
Worst Screen Couple/Worst Screen Ensemble 2010: The entire cast of Sex and the City 2. Somewhere James Brolin and Megan Fox from Jonah Hex are mourning their loss in this category by weeping into their piles of money.
Worst Director: M. Night Shyamalan for The Last Airbender.
Worst Screenplay: The Last Airbender, written by M. Night Shyamalan, based on the TV series created by Michael Dante Dimartino and Brian Konietzko.
Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel: Sex and the City 2--somehow, miraculously, beating out Clash of the Titans.
Good night, everyone! Bring back Billy Crystal!