January 20th, 2011


So, How's YOUR Novel Doing?

Snooki's novel, A Shore Thing, is now a New York Times bestseller.

My favorite line from the article: "Sorry to real authors all over the world who dream of one day having their literary masterpiece mentioned with that same title."

I don't begrudge anyone their success, especially if it's an achievement that I'd like for myself, but you know, just once I'd like to see this shit backfire. Just once I'd like to see publishers fork out an astronomical amount of money for some vapid airhead celebrity's quote-unquote novel, or even non-fiction book, How to Embarrass Your Family and Friends By Acting Like a Fucking Idiot on National TV, fully knowing said celebrity can't put a coherent sentence together and hasn't picked up a book since high school, and have the book be so completely shunned by the book-buying public that the entire dynamic of the publishing is changed forever. A defeat so crushing that the entire industry sits up and wonders if maybe, just maybe, it's not all about platform and visibility and cross-media synergy; that readers might want something more, like a book they can give a shit about instead of one everyone is buying as a gag gift to give their friends. "Ha ha, now you own Snooki's book!"

It'll never happen. Celebrities will keep writing books because they're just acting on a good business opportunity presented to them by the publishers (it's not like Snooki decided on her own one day to write a book). Publishers will keep pumping them out because they know there's much more money to be made from a celebrity book than there is from yet another literary fiction debut about adultery and academia in 1980s Brooklyn. The real fault, of course, lies with us, the book buyers. The only reason publishers continue to shit out embarrassing, unreadable nonsense like this is because we keep buying it.

So what say we stop, hmm?