June 11th, 2010


Meet the New Boss, Same As the Old Boss

President Obama did not attend the May 25 memorial service in Jackson, Mississippi for the workers who died in the Deepwater Horizon explosion because he was en route to a fundraiser for Sen. Barbara Boxer, D-California, in San Francisco.

Meet the new boss, same as the old boss. Fuck all of 'em.

This is just further proof that politics has become too much of a team sport. Nothing matters as long as it's your team that's in power. This is why the Founding Fathers were against political parties from the start. Some two-hundred-and-thirty years later, we keep relearning this lesson over and over. Doesn't matter if there's a D or an R after someone's name if all they care about is doing the party's business instead of the people's.

So here's my proposal: It's time to abolish all political parties and create a single, all-encompassing litmus test for presidential hopefuls, to gage whether they have any kind of conscience and understanding of priorities. Give each candidate a gun (unloaded, though the candidates don't know that) and a puppy. Tell them if they shoot the puppy, they become president. Everyone who tries to shoot the puppy is disqualified. The first person to say "fuck you, I'm not doing it" automatically wins.