Nicholas Kaufmann's Journal

Much fun was had last night at the Fantastic Fiction Reading Series at the KGB Bar. My old (and I do mean old!) pal parttimedriver read a couple of great, surreal short stories -- including one about what would happen if Flannery O'Connor and Sinead O'Connor were the same person -- followed by Naomi Novik reading a very funny story spoofing the whole unicorn-and-virgin fantasy trope. I haven't had a lot of time to go to these readings this year, but I'm glad I made this one. Both Brett and Naomi were excellent and managed to keep my attention, something that's getting harder and harder for readers to do these days.

Also, big congrats to Brett for going on sabbatical to write his novel. The world awaits!

Naomi's husband Charles Ardai was there too, so I finally got to meet my Gabriel Hunt editor in the flesh, only to discover he's as great a guy in person as he is in email. I wish I'd had a chance to talk with him some more, but soon the reading started, and afterward, at the traditional post-reading Chinese feast, ktempest and vschanoes somehow managed to boot me away from his and Brett's table, and so I did not get to sit with my editor and my good friend I only see once or twice a year. Thank you, ladies.

I refuse to play musical chairs at these things anymore. Starting now, any out of town KGB readers who are good friends or editors I've worked with are hereby invited to dinner either the night before or the night after. Or drinks after dinner that night. I'm tired of taking the time to come out to see them and then not having the chance to actually talk with them much because of the insane seating rush at the restaurant. It is, quite frankly, ridiculous.

Universal Studios Hollywood announced that it will bring back its popular King Kong feature, part of the famed studio tour, in the summer of 2010, two years after a fire destroyed the original attraction.

Yay! This is great news for all Kong lovers like me! The original King Kong attraction at Universal Studios was a classic, but in truth, it was extremely dated. The walls were spraypainted with graffiti in exactly the way you never see in New York City anymore; the news anchor in the introductory video was someone I remembered my father watching on TV when I was ten; and Kong himself was so rickety and old he would bounce and shake after every movement. About the only thing that was in any way still accurate, relevant or authentic was the Roosevelt Island tram, which still looks and acts today the same as it did in the 1980s.

The new King Kong will be part of an upgraded studio tour and is described as a "thrilling and ground-breaking 4-D multi-sensory marvel."

Awesome! This is a great opportunity to update the attraction in just the way-- Wait, um, what? "4-D"? Have we discovered the fourth dimension now and nobody told me? Damn you, LiveJournalers! All this jibberjabber about Dreamwidth and not one of you remembers to mention the newly discovered dimension?

Still, ultimately this is happy news.

Or is it?

The new King Kong attraction will be based on Peter Jackson's 2005 movie.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Sweet Jesus. I hope the tour guide is Jimmy, the "more animal than man" first mate on the ship to Skull Island whose feral, animalistic nature is expressed by reading Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness during his down time and arguing with his lover Captain about which of them should make the ultimate sacrifice in to save everyone else. More animal than man indeed!

Suddenly, an enormous, ravenous 35-foot-tall dinosaur will challenge Kong, and guests will feel their trams jolt, roll and shudder as they find themselves caught in the middle of a ferocious showdown between the great ape and the giant lizard.

A battle that will last twenty-five butt-numbing minutes longer than it ought to, just like EVERY SCENE IN THE MOVIE!

Buy your tickets now, folks!

P.S. I don't have a King Kong icon, so I'm using my Godzilla one. Deal with it, haters!