Nicholas Kaufmann's Journal

...It was also the day the Razzie "winners" were announced! Behold the not-so-surprising results for the worst in motion picture entertainment in 2008:

Worst Picture:
The Love Guru
(A PARAMOUNT RELEASE)

Worst Actor:
Mike Myers
THE LOVE GURU

Worst Actress:
Paris Hilton
THE HOTTIE AND THE NOTTIE

Worst Supporting Actress:
Paris Hilton
REPO: THE GENETIC OPERA

(Weirdly, I think Paris Hilton was one of the LEAST awful things about REPO: THE GENETIC OPERA! -- NK)

Worst Supporting Actor:
Pierce Brosnan
MAMMA MIA!

(Ouch! Sure, he can't sing, but it's not like Brosnan is that bad an actor! -- NK)

Worst Screen Couple:
Paris Hilton
AND EITHER
Christine Lakin
OR
Joel David Moore
THE HOTTIE AND THE NOTTIE

Worst Prequel,Remake, Rip-off or Sequel
(Combined Category for 2008):
Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull

Worst Director:
Uwe Boll
1968: TUNNEL RATS,
IN THE NAME OF THE KING: A DUNGEON SIEGE TALE,
AND POSTAL

Worst Screenplay:
The Love Guru
WRITTEN BY MIKE MYERS & GRAHAM GORDY

Worst Career Achievement:
Uwe Boll

Looks like Mike Myers, Paris Hilton and Uwe Boll pretty much swept the Razzies. Which is weird, because one of those three is actually a talented writer/comedian. So glad I missed The Love Guru, though. It looked awful just from the commercials.

Anyway, keep trying, guys who made the Meet the Spartans and Disaster Movie movies. You'll win your Razzies yet!

In my youth, randomly catching the movie The Return of Count Yorga on TV was something of a watershed moment. It scared the crap out of me, especially that early scene with the vampire's hands rising out of the dirt, but I couldn't look away. I had to watch the whole thing, regardless of how many nightmares it would spawn. My love of horror was already born thanks to Sinbad, Abbott & Costello and the after school Million Dollar Movie, but The Return of Count Yorga helped it blossom.

It was many years before I learned The Return of Count Yorga, true to its title, was a sequel, and the movie Count Yorga, Vampire came first. I was almost too scared to watch it, remembering how much Return had freaked me out. When I finally did, and saw how Count Yorga eschewed the traditional black vampire's cape for a satin smoking jacket, I realized the first movie is a camp masterpiece, not scary at all. I haven't seen Return in probably two decades, so I don't remember if it's as campy or if the chills it gave me were well deserved -- but what I do remember is Robert Quarry. He played the role absolutely straight, even while wearing a glittery, sequined shirt you'd think no vampire would be caught undead in. He's what made the Yorga movies work.

Sadly, Quarry, who starred in many B movies including Madhouse and Dr. Phibes Rises Again, passed away on Friday at the age of 83. Maybe I'll hunt down The Return of Count Yorga in his honor.