September 26th, 2008


Republican Comedy Hour, Part Two - Reproductive Boogaloo

Worried that welfare costs are rising as the number of taxpayers declines, state Rep. John LaBruzzo, R-Metairie, said Tuesday he is studying a plan to pay poor women $1,000 to have their Fallopian tubes tied.

LaBruzzo said he worries that people receiving government aid such as food stamps and publicly subsidized housing are reproducing at a faster rate than more affluent, better-educated people who presumably pay more tax revenue to the government. He said he is gathering statistics now.

What's most hilarious about this plan is not that it echoes the one once proposed by Klan member David Duke, who held the exact same seat as LaBruzzo in the late '80s and early '90s, but that it goes beyond it. Even Duke only proposed temporary birth control for poor women. Tying one's tubes, as LaBruzzo proposes, is permanent. I guess he feels that poverty, instead of being an economic classification that can change over time, is actually a genus of people who are simply born that way and stay that way. Like the mentally retarded or physically disabled. Or Sri Lankans.

In addition to being a congressman, LaBruzzo is in medical sales and real estate. He's married to a lawyer. Don't you just love it when people making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year get all upset when someone else gets $20 every month so their children don't fucking starve?

"What I'm really studying is any and all possibilities that we can reduce the number of people that are going from generational welfare to generational welfare, " he said.

Yup. The best way to fix a broken social service system is to leave it alone and sterilize the people who rely on it. That's some good old-fashioned down home problem-solving, Mr. Labruzzo! Bravo!

He said his program would be voluntary. It could involve tubal ligation, encouraging other forms of birth control or, to avoid charges of gender discrimination, vasectomies for men.

The one good thing about this is that it has finally revealed that there are Republican politicians who favor access to birth control!

It also could include tax incentives for college-educated, higher-income people to have more children, he said.

And now we come to the crux of the issue. A little something I like to call eugenics. Prevent the poor from having children. Encourage the rich to have more children. By the way, you don't have to be a genius to figure out what "poor" and "rich" are code for.

LaBruzzo said other, mainstream strategies for attacking poverty, such as education reforms and programs informing people about family planning issues, have repeatedly failed to solve the problem. He said he is simply looking for new ways to address it.

Hahahahahahahaha! John LaBruzzo, ladies and gentlemen!

LaBruzzo said he opposes abortion and paying people to have abortions. He described a sterilization program as providing poor people with better opportunities to avoid welfare, because they would have fewer children to feed and clothe.

Boy, that Hitler sure had some good ideas, didn't he? Too bad he's so unfairly maligned by history!

He acknowledged his idea might be a difficult sell politically.

Ya think?

Oh, Republicans, you never cease to be hilarious! Between this and Republican party officials in states like Michigan and Ohio trying to prevent poor people who have lost their homes to foreclosure from voting (if your home has been foreclosed upon, you probably had to move, which means the address you registered under is no longer valid -- gotcha!) it's pretty clear where their priorities lie.

Welcome to the Republican party, where only the rich can have children, and only the rich can vote. The rest of you? Well, it's not like they don't care. They'll be happy to hire you to serve as their caddies at the country club. You'll work for tips, right?

And Now It's Here!

X: The Erotic Treasury, edited by Susie Bright and featuring my little-story-that-could "Comeback." X is a beautiful-looking (I haven't seen it in person yet) slipcased hardcover from Chronicle Books. Retails for $35.00, but as of this writing Amazon's got it for almost $10 off.

So, in case you missed "Comeback" when it appeared on, or when it was reprinted in Bright's The Best American Erotica 2007, now's your chance!

It's got other sexy stories by other sexy writers too!

The Obama-McCain Show

I just watched the weirdest sitcom ever. It was like 96 minutes long, first of all, and didn't have a laugh track or any commercial breaks, which made getting up for a bottle of beer really hard. I got bored and switched around a bit, but it was on every single channel! HUH?

There were only three characters, and instead of taking place in a house or an office, it was just this bare stage. Very experimental. It made me wonder if Lars von Trier was involved.

The first guy was black, but he wasn't sassy or gay, which confused me. He didn't snap his fingers or whip his head around once. Who's writing this thing?

The other guy was this stodgy old white dude, all serious-like, and he didn't once -- I mean, not ONCE -- put on shades and start rapping. He didn't even breakdance or say "dude." WTF? Did they expect any of this to be funny? Or even interesting? Someone missed their Sitcom 101 classes.

But the third character was the weirdest of all. He was another old guy, though not as old as the non-rapping grampa, and he just sat at a desk and asked them questions. I totally didn't get what was going on. By the end I thought maybe the episode was about these two guys going on the same job interview, but I don't know.

The whole thing seemed improvised. Characters kept repeating their lines and flubbing the transitions between punch lines. The black guy spoke too fast, and the old guy kept licking his lips in this weird, reptile-like fashion. And I swear I've heard that joke about bear DNA like a million times already. Just weird.

Anyway, I think it's going to get canceled pretty quickly. But hopefully not before next week's episode, which, as far as I can tell from the clips, involves Tina Fey being attacked by some kind of yeti.