|Hollywood Spits in Own Mouth, Asks for More
||[Aug. 20th, 2008|10:21 am]
International Bon Vivant and Raconteur
According to The Hollywood Reporter, Juliet Snowden and Stiles White have been signed by MGM to script the studio's remake of POLTERGEIST. A director and start date haven't been set yet for the redux of the 1982 hit, directed by Tobe Hooper and produced (and some say co-helmed) by Steven Spielberg, in which malevolent spirits abduct the youngest daughter of a suburban family whose house is built on ancient burial grounds.
In case you don't recognize the names, Snowden and White also wrote 2005's shitty, nonsensical Boogeyman (itself a semi-remake) and the script for the planned remake of The Birds, which -- thank god for small miracles -- appears to have been scrapped as a project.
That's it. I'm done. Why am I -- or why is anyone -- trying to write anything new and original? What I really ought to be doing is watching my favorite old horror movies, writing one-paragraph pitches for the remake ("Instead of a regular train, now Terror Train takes place on the Acela!") and then spend the other twenty-three hours in the day rolling around in large piles of money while snorting coke off hookers' asses.
Update: Done! Michael Bay already called to make an offer from Platinum Dunes for my remake pitch of DR. BUTCHER, M.D. Except now, instead of being a disgraced doctor who practices his trade on a cannibal tribe on a remote island, he's an exclusive Beverly Hills plastic surgeon!