May 15th, 2008


Those Activist Judges Are At It Again

In a much-anticipated ruling issued Thursday, the California Supreme Court struck down the state's ban on same-sex marriage as unconstitutional.

Several gay and lesbian couples, along with the city of San Francisco and gay rights groups, sued to overturn state laws allowing only marriages between a man and a woman.

With the ruling, California becomes the second state to allow same-sex couples to legally wed.

Oooooh, those activist judges make me so crazy! How dare they use their power to push radical political agendas such as equality under the law! All we want to do is treat one group of people as second-class citizens by not allowing consenting adults within that group to get married in a country that tells all its citizens that marriage is the foundation of a healthy society. I mean, what's so quote-unquote unconstitutional about that? The constitution was written by straight people! It was so important to them, they made sure to include the name of what they loved as straight people right in the title. It's the consTITution -- not the consDICKtution! Am I right, people?

Obviously, the California Supreme Court is made up of gays who want to make everybody else gay too, even though that would mean everything at Ricky's and Patricia Field would get sold out even faster, and hell, you can't even get into Splash on a Saturday night anymore, believe me, and can you imagine how crowded it'll get once...

Oh, ahem. Anyway. (Note to self: call sponsor Larry Craig at Gays Anonymous. Slip-ups still happening. Be sure to mention staying home to watch In the Steam Room with Jack Hammer while family was at church this weekend.)

These activist judges need to be replaced immediately by judges who understand that the constitution actually stands for all the conservative principles that didn't exist when the document was written over two hundred years ago!

To paraphrase conservative hero George Orwell, everyone is equal, it's just that some of us are more equal than others, and if these activist judges can't see that, if they continue to insist everyone is equal under the law, well, we'll just see what Jack Hammer -- I mean, John McCain has to say about that once he's in office!