January 28th, 2008


Hollywood Chokes on Own Vomit in Hotel Bathroom. A Nation Mourns.

Let me preface this by saying that John Cleese and Jennifer Connelly are two of my favorite people. Really, Cleese can always make me laugh, and I've had an Inappropriate Celebrity Crush on Connelly since she and I were teenagers. But this news makes me want to do serious drugs so I can forever frolic with chocolate unicorns in the valley of rainbows and forget all about the horrifying ouroboros that is Hollywood.

Monty Python veteran John Cleese is in negotiations to join Keanu Reeves, Jennifer Connelly and Jaden Smith in the cast of the upcoming remake of the 1951 SF classic The Day the Earth Stood Still, according to IGN Movies.

Cleese will play the role of physicist Dr. Barnhardt, a Nobel laureate who plays a key part in figuring out the mission and meaning of the arrival of the alien Klaatu (played by Reeves).

Look at that last line again: "Klaatu (played by Reeves)." Surely that's an error and they mean Gort, the eight-foot-tall robot who doesn't speak, will be played by Keanu Reeves. You would think the role of Klaatu would necessitate someone who can speak more than two lines in a row and change expressions. Of course, that should have applied to Neo in The Matrix too, so there you go.

I'm not a big fan of the original Day the Earth Stood Still, I have to admit. It's okay in a "this is a classic SF film you should see once before you die" kind of way, and it gave us the immortal phrase "Klaatu barada nikto," without which the Sam Raimi film Army of Darkness would be nothing, but I also find it somewhat tedious with its message about Earth being too war-like to join the cosmic family. I kept hoping Gort would grow a tank gun from his chest and start blowing shit up. Or maybe accidentally leave behind a cookbook called To Serve Man.

I don't know what the remake will be like, but I suspect there's a much better chance of Gort blowing shit up now.