October 30th, 2007


Email from Stephen King

I got another email from Stephen King today. I was so excited to see it waiting in my Inbox! The last time Steve wrote to me, it turned out to be a total rip. It was just a form letter sent out by MoveOn.org with his name on it! But this time, I knew, would be different.

I was confused at first by the strange subject line of today's email. "Aggressive traders alert"? But then I realized he was really writing to me, and it was top secret, because he used a code he knew only I would understand.

Here's the email (I've put this LJ entry under such super secret lock that the little padlock icon doesn't even show up!):

From: Stephen King <jeffreyavowscott@williebird.com>
To: <nick@nicholaskaufmann.com>
Date: Tuesday, October 30, 2007 2:28 PM
Subject: aggressive traders alert

In the markets, A unique product is always rewarded, and the company will always soar as long as there is demand and have growing markets to explore.

It took me several hours to decipher the code. This first paragraph is clearly a reference to the bird symbolism in the Dark Tower series, and also a swipe at the current state of horror markets. It seemed Stephen King was sending me a desperate cry for help!

Now we would like to present a new concept thats been hitting globally and a real company with real and unique product.

Oh that joker! It's not a cry for help at all. He was just being silly, but now he's ready to get down to business. So why did he email me?

Introducing ShotPak (SHTP)

Whats the unique product??

The ShotPak is a new and innovative concept in alcohol packaging. The shot is a single serving shot of alcohol or a Ready-To-Drink (RTD) mixed cocktail in a soft portable pouch. It eliminates the need for you to carry glass bottles, mixers and bar tools when you go out.

This paragraph was pretty easy to decode. If you read between the lines, he's saying he's in town for World Fantasy and wants to get together for drinks!

When full, the ShotPak is lighter than a 50 ml airplane botle and more convenient to carry. The ShotPak was developed to target people who are enagaged in an active lifestyle and are on the go.

Active lifestyle? On the go? All code for his busy schedule! The 50 ml airplane botle (note the intentional misspelling) indicates he'd like to meet tomorrow at 7 at the Slaughtered Lamb on West 4th Street. (But don't you guys go telling anyone, okay? It's just Nick and Steve time!)

If you don't believe this works, read their latest press releases and see the craze grow.

Don't be left out, look into SHTP ShotPak Inc

Also, could I bring a copy of Brian Keene's latest?

WFC Shenanigans

It's official: It looks like kelliwithani82 and I will be taking a day trip up to the World Fantasy Convention this Saturday. Depending on cost, we may buy day passes or just hang out at the hotel bar, since that's where everyone congregates anyway.

Looking forward to seeing many of you there!