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International Bon Vivant and Raconteur

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July 18th, 2007

Necon Goodness [Jul. 18th, 2007|12:10 am]
International Bon Vivant and Raconteur
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It's almost Necon time! strange is flying into NYC tomorrow to stay at Chez Kaufmann, and then Thursday morning we're driving up to Rhode Island with sarahlangan. I can't wait!

I'm told copies of General Slocum's Gold will be available for purchase. I'll be happy to sign it for you, in case you were thinking of picking one up (or, if you already have a copy, if you were thinking of bringing it along). There's a big signing event Friday night, but I'll gladly do it any time. I will even put aside my rule of not signing anymore chests so long as you've brought a pen with a soft tip. My pen is kind of sharp and will only turn sexy fun into blood-drenched discomfort!

In other news, Zodiac is the best movie of the year so far!
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Harry Potter and the Internet Spoilers of Azkaban [Jul. 18th, 2007|11:20 am]
International Bon Vivant and Raconteur
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Due to the proliferation of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows spoiler sites on the internet, many of which contradict each other, I have been contacted by a secret source deep inside Scholastic, Inc. to leak the real goods. I've boiled the information down to the most important plot points, which I shall now reveal without using an LJ-cut in the hope that I ruin many a day. Here we go!

* It is revealed at Voldemort and Snape went to college together and, during a night of beerbonging, promised to, like, be evil 4 eva! There's also a hint that something embarrassing happened between them in the dorm's men's room later that night, but Rowling doesn't delve deeper. Sorry, 'shippers!

* My source tells me that everyone is really worried about the increasing budgets of the movie versions, which may be why Dumbledore appears in the final volume as a sock puppet.

* Hermione and Ron are revealed to be the same person: a projecting telepath with a split personality. This does not prevent them from hooking up.

* Nobody dies.

* The epilogue has Harry waking up at a London public school and realizing it was all a dream and there's no such thing as magic. Then in the hallway he runs into the rotten Mr. Mortevolt, the headmaster that's mean to everyone -- and suddenly a troll smashes through the wall! It wasn't all a dream! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

* The last line in the book is, "To be continued?" And the question mark is big and drippy like it's made out of blood!

There you have it. I hope you enjoy reading the now thoroughly spoiled Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows! Bwahahahahahahahaha!
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The Kaufmann Fan Base Grows By, Um, One [Jul. 18th, 2007|03:08 pm]
International Bon Vivant and Raconteur
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This morning, Susie Bright forwarded me an anonymous fan email she received regarding The Best American Erotica 2007. The fan, who refers to herself only as Bunny, really seems to like my story, "Comeback". Here are some choice moments from the email (I've snipped all the stuff she wrote about wanting to learn to write erotica):

Dear Susie Bright,

I read two of the short stories and glanced through a few others in the BAE 2007. I must say my eyes have been opened.

I know that might seem a little drastic, but I really haven't been exposed to honest to god erotica. I was really drawn into Nicholas Kaufmann's story, Comeback.

Talk about wow.

I could honestly respect the main character Amber Fox. I prefer a good and seasoned lady for my company. I have honestly managed to avoid virgins entirely. I really don't want to be that guy later in their life.

You know the guy. 'I really wished I had waited' guy.

[snip]

I'm a sucker for great sex and a good romance. That and I have plenty of experience. I find that I prefer my women older than myself.

I'm soon to be twenty-seven, but on my lover's age, I have been with a woman in her late forties. I find it's a little more satisfying when a woman can distinguish between sex and love.

[snip]

With much love and respect,
'Bunny'

Very sweet of her to write about my story like that, and share how it relates to her own life and interest in sexual partners.

I have to admit, though, I get a little confused when people say they respect Amber Fox, the protagonist of "Comeback". Like her? Sure. Sympathize with her? Absolutely. Respect her? Hmmm. She's not a bad person or anything, but she's given this amazing gift at the end of the story and the only thing she uses it for is to get back into an industry that could not care less about her. I'm not sure that's really worthy of anyone's respect. Still, Amber seems to have hit a chord with readers in a way no other character I've written about has, and that's something special.
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