February 20th, 2007


The Saturn Awards

In the hierarchy of movie awards, the Saturn Awards, handed out annually by The Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy and Horror Films, rank pretty low on the respect-o-meter, somwhere around the Teen Choice Awards and the MTV Movie Awards. There's good reason for this, namely that the Saturn Awards A) tend to nominate just about every sf/f/h movie released in a given year, B) judge merit by box office more than quality, as evidenced by the sheer amount of empty, brainless blockbusters on the shortlist, and C) can't tell the difference between a speculative genre film and something that just has a lot of action in it (and even sometimes can't tell the difference between science fiction and fantasy). Still, the nerderati -- of which I am clearly a member -- seems to embrace the award regardless because it's one of the few created specifically for sf/f/h films. This is but one of the ways my fellow nerds embarrass me.

To whit, a partial list the nominees for the 33rd Annual Saturn Awards:

Best Science Fiction Film

Children of Men
Déjà vu (Whaaaa?)
The Fountain
The Prestige
V For Vendetta
X-Men: The Last Stand (Are you freaking kidding me? Aaaaaaaaaaaa!)

Best Fantasy Film

Charlotte's Web
Eragon (Hahahahahahahahaha!)
Night at the Museum
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Stranger Than Fiction
Superman Returns (Someone please tell me how this is fantasy and not science fiction.)

Best Horror Film

The Descent
Final Destination 3 (Again I ask, whaaaa?)
Snakes on a Plane (Hahahahahahahaha!)

Best Action/Adventure/Thriller Film

(Here's where things get really muddled. What does any of this have to do with the speculative genres? Nothing, really, but the fan base overlaps, kind of like when they show professional wrestling on the SciFi Channel, so I guess they figure why the heck not.)

Casino Royale
The Departed
Flyboys (Universally despised.)
Mission: Impossible III (Universally despised.)
Notes on a Scandal
Perfume: The Story of a Murderer

Best Animated Film

Flushed Away
Happy Feet
Monster House
Over the Hedge
A Scanner Darkly

(Again, aside from Monster House and A Scanner Darkly, nothing in this category is actually part of the speculative genres. Unless they're all considered fantasies because cars, mice, penguins and woodland animals don't talk in real life.)

Best International Film

(What makes these movies genre films? They're in another language, just like Klingon!)

The Curse of the Golden Flower
The Host (At least this one has a monster)
Letters From Iwo Jima
Pan's Labyrinth (Ditto)

Best Network Television Series

(Another incredibly muddled category. They might as well have added The Surreal Life.)

Jericho (Is this show even on anymore?)
24 (The speculative element here is, I guess, that Jack Bauer is still alive.)
Veronica Mars (I love Veronica Mars, but the only speculative element is that these teens crack jokes only people over 30 would get.)

Best Syndicated/Cable Television Series

Battlestar Galactica
The Closer (Huh? Isn't this like a cop show?)
Doctor Who
Kyle XY (Never even heard of it.)
Stargate SG-1

The nominees in the acting categories are even more embarrassing. Kate Bosworth, Best Actress for Superman Returns? Plus, they don't even spell Judi Dench's name correctly. Click on the link up top to go to their website and see the full list of nominees, so you too can shudder with embarrassment.