August 12th, 2006



Last night, I went to see the Off-Off-Broadway show Bite at the Red Room (the little theater above the KGB Bar that's always making so much noise when people are trying to do their readings). It was very funny, and quite unusual. Bite is a sex farce, but it's also a choose-your-own-adventure story. At various junctures in the plot, called Choice Moments, the audience gets to make a decision for the protagonist. The decision can be something small (egg sandwich or week-old Balance bar for breakfast) or big (in a case of mistaken identity, should he come clean to the Dominatrix or play along). You vote using paper masquerade ball masks on sticks, red on one side, black on the other.

Since it's written, directed and performed by friends of mine, the moment they spotted me in the lobby, they knew they had their audience volunteer. Before I could ask what I was volunteering for, they clasped a dog collar around my right arm and told me to make sure the actors can see it when the time comes. And I'd know when the time comes.

They wound up bringing me on stage during one of the scenes that take place in the sex dungeon and told me to lie down on the plastic sheet on the floor. Then Mistress Scarlet (Jennifer Gill, who did an extremely convincing Georgia accent) hiked up her skirt, stood over me and delivered a monologue about how it was the first time she'd ever been asked to pee on someone. It was my moment to shine. I even got a laugh for an off the cuff remark.

She didn't actually pee on me, though. What a ripoff!