February 7th, 2006



You've probably forgotten all about the brief Touched By Venom (a.k.a. "Venom cock") brouhaha last fall after congoers at the World Fantasy Convention received a free excerpt in their goodie bags and immediately started blogging about how awful it is. Well, in the blogosphere, it seems, no one is allowed to forget anything.

Brave, brave crevette actually read Janine Cross' entire novel -- on her own time and on her own dime, no less -- and is now offering a painfully in-depth review on her Live Journal. She suffers so we don't have to.

Don’t ask me to explain how a culture that worships dragons to the point of having their calendar, language, culture, death rituals and so forth revolve around them also mutilates their female dragons at hatching by removing their venom sacks and amputating their wings. Or has dragon eggs as a major component of their diet. Or uses them as their beasts of burden and riding animals. I really don’t get that. But that’s okay, because—as to paraphrase Big Trouble in Little China--Just like Jack Burton, I wasn’t put on this planet to ‘get it’.


After that you get way too many issues and a story so angst-filled that it would get razzed off of Fanfiction.net, except by a bunch of Emo 15 year old girls who ‘identify’ with the protagonist and think that Zarq is a bulimic cutter, and they admire that in her and want to be at one with her and the pain.

P.S. Reading her review reminded me of one of the things I dislike most about high fantasy: all those ridiculous, cat-walking-on-the-keyboard names like Zarq and Nnp-trn. In fact, my dislike for high fantasy has grown so strong at this point that I now refuse to read any novel that has a map in the front and/or a glossary of world-building terminology in back. You know what? Just call your elf Charlie and your dwarf Steve and have them speak fucking English.

P.P.S. Yes, I know there are some excellent high fantasies out there that would be the exception to the rule. Please don't feel the need to fill up my comments section with suggested titles.

Corpse Blossoms

The free copy of Corpse Blossoms R.J. and Julia Sevin mailed to me (just for being an HWA member!) arrived today. OMFG, what a beautiful-looking book! The Sevins and Creeping Hemlock Press have done a fantastic job, putting quite a few of the older, more experienced small and specialty presses to shame with the production quality alone. I'm really looking forward to reading it.

Random Nerdy Thought

If Spock's first name is so unpronouncable to anyone but other Vulcans, how come his last name isn't? And how come other Vulcans just call him Spock anyway? And doesn't the Enterprise have a universal translator that would just translate his first name into "Toby" or "Sean" or whatever?