January 30th, 2006


Ixnay On the Idayfray

With the hiring of a much-needed third person at the video store, my schedule is changing once again. Starting in a couple of weeks, I'll be working every Friday night until 11 PM. I'm grumpy about losing one of my weekend nights, but I also know how lucky I was working retail for a whole year without having the closing shift on either Friday or Saturday nights. I've worked Friday nights before, filling in for co-workers, so I know it's not a huge deal, and the store is usually so busy that it goes by fast and I get to see a lot of my favorite customers. But still, this will put a damper on my dating life. Or it would, if I had one.


The 2006 Razzies have been announced. The list of nominees for worst movies and actors is almost entirely drawn from bad sequels and remakes this year, but then again I think that's usually the case. The list is also a good reminder of the insanity that is Hollywood, where more often than not it's star power that gets a movie made, as opposed to, say, a good story worth telling.

Son of the Mask
Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo
Dirty Love
Dukes of Hazzard
House of Wax

I forgot Son of the Mask and Deuce Bigalow even existed (and I suspect the movie-going public did as well). Of this list, House of Wax is the only one I've seen. I thought it was pretty sucky, but not so terrible as to be Razzie-worthy. The remake of The Fog was far, far worse, as was Uwe Boll's Alone in the Dark, which may be the worst movie of the new millennium.

Tom Cruise for "War of the Worlds"
Jamie Kennedy for "Son of the Mask"
Will Ferrell for "Bewitched" and "Kicking and Screaming"
The Rock for "Doom"
Rob Schneider for "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo"

Where is Christian Slater for Alone in the Dark? I just watched Doom this weekend, and it was godawful in ways you can't imagine, but Slater was even worse than The Rock. All The Rock had to do was carry a big gun and snarl some orders at his team of Marines. Slater had to emote, for God's sake! And Cruise's acting wasn't the problem with War of the Worlds, it was the nonsensical script (the aliens want to vaporize everyone, no wait they want to drink everyone's blood!).

Jenny McCarthy for "Dirty Love"
Jessica Alba for "Fantastic Four" and "Into the Blue"
Hilary Duff for "Cheaper by the Dozen 2" and "The Perfect Man"
Jennifer Lopez for "Monster-in-Law"
Tara Reid for "Alone in the Dark"

Yes, finally, an Alone in the Dark mention! Tara Reid was ridiculous in her role as a museum archaeologist. She was literally unable to deliver her more scientific lines, but she still had more chemistry with her microscope than with Christian Slater. And even though her role consisted mostly of running around and screaming, she still managed to blow it. Uwe Boll is easily the world's worst director, but I suspect even Martin Scorsese couldn't coax a good performance out of Reid.

Paris Hilton for "House of Wax"
Katie Holmes for "Batman Begins"
Carmen Electra for "Dirty Love"
Jessica Simpson for "The Dukes of Hazzard"
Ashlee Simpson for "Undiscovered"

Paris Hilton was pretty bad in House of Wax, almost enough to make the movie unwatchable, but at least she had a good death scene. Katie Holmes, on the other hand, doesn't belong on this list. She wasn't the lifeblood of Batman Begins, but she wasn't ruinous either. She was fine for what her rather limited role asked of her. Clearly they're just putting her and Tom Cruise on the list because they're both tabloid embarrassments that make us all ashamed to be human beings, not because of their acting.

Check out the official Razzies site for more categories, including Most Tiresome Tabloid Target. Guess which couple tops that list of nominees too?