January 23rd, 2006


The Crystal Lake Reunion

According to the AP: More than a decade after 16-year-old Amy Fisher had a sexual relationship with a much-older car mechanic and shot his wife in the face, the one-time "Long Island Lolita" and Joey and Mary Jo Buttafuoco have agreed to appear together in a televised reunion.

"It's time to just put it behind us," Fisher, now 31, told the newspaper. "We played this all out in a public eye. It'd be interesting to let the public see the healing process at the end. They saw everything else -- why not let them see the final product?"

Joey Buttafuoco, who was jailed for statutory rape following the 1992 shooting, said he planned to ask Fisher to explain her actions.

"I've been asked about a million times by Mary Jo, 'Why did Amy shoot me?' I was never able to get that answer," said Buttafuoco, now 49.

"There's going to be a lot of shocking revelations, and that's why I'm excited to sit down to do this," he said.

This is going to be train wreck television on par with Tom Cruise bouncing on Oprah's couch, or that time Barbara Walters landed an exclusive interview with Monica Lewinsky and only asked her where she shops. I can't believe no network has committed to airing this yet!

In fact, this news reminds me of a skit I came up with many years ago, where there's a group therapy meeting between Jason Voorhees and family members of all his victims. The facilitator would say things like, "Now remember, we're not here to judge Jason, we're here to share how we feel about what he did." Jason, of course, would never say anything, but since you're not supposed to talk back during an intervention, no one thinks this is weird.

"Did you ever think about my feelings, Jason? Well, did you?"


"Yeah, that's what I thought. Prick."

And eventually Jason would start crying, and then everyone else would cry, and they'd cut to people in the audience clapping and dabbing tears from their eyes. And it would end with a group hug where Jason whips out his machete as if he's about to slash everyone, but then drops it and hugs everyone.

But Mary Jo putting a bullet in Amy Fisher's face on live TV while yelling "Payback, beeyotch!" should also be pretty good.