Nicholas Kaufmann's Journal

Hunt at World's End Finally Available for Pre-Order

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 12:59:31 GMT

Good news on the Hunt front: Hunt at World's End, my contribution to the ongoing Gabriel Hunt adventure series created by Charles Ardai of Hard Case Crime, has not only had its publication date moved up from November to October, it's also finally available for pre-order on Amazon, should you happen to be one of those folks who prefer to order things in advance.

The first two adventures in the Gabriel Hunt series, written by James Reasoner and Charles Ardai, respectively, are out now and racking up some amazing reviews. Here's hoping my contribution -- as well as future volumes from Christa Faust, David J. Schow and Raymond Benson -- continues the trend!

When Selling Your Soul, Be Sure to At Least Get a Receipt

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 12:39:57 GMT

Hey, fellow Americans! Remember when our last President, President Bush, shat all over the Constitution and created the illegal warrantless wiretapping program?

Remember how you were all, "What's the big deal? They're just trying to keep us safe. Screw the Constitution -- I'd rather not die from a suicide bomber at Six Flags. And besides, if you haven't done anything wrong, you have nothing to worry about."

And remember how Dick Cheney, just this past May, defended the illegal surveillance program by saying it "prevented attacks and saved lives"?

Well, guess what? It didn't prevent a single attack or save a single life. In fact, it didn't do jack shit.

Other than set the precedent of allowing the government to eavesdrop on our phone conversations and read our emails whenever they want, of course -- but I'm sure nothing bad could ever come of that.

Harper's Island - The Shocking Finale! (Not Entirely Spoiler Free)

Sun, 12 Jul 2009 16:22:03 GMT

Well, maybe not shocking, but it was still pretty good. I was able to guess the (second) killer's identity about an hour before it was revealed. Not because there were any clues pointing in that person's direction -- there weren't -- but because this character was literally the last person left that it could be, barring the Agatha Christie-like reappearance of someone we thought was dead.

Harper's Island was excellent at setting up clues, but only ever for red herrings, I found. They did a splendid job making you think Abby's ex-boyfriend was in on the killing spree, but kind of a terrible job at leaving any clues as to the second killer's true identity. Which kind of came out of nowhere, in my opinion. We knew John Wakefield had a child because of his journal, a child who literally could have been anyone except the black guy, but they didn't leave us a trail of crumbs to follow to the truth. Instead, they sprang the revelation on us as expository dialogue, with nothing we previously witnessed to back it up.

Still, the scene where the true second killer is revealed was absolutely brutal. And that was Harper's Island's true strength. In 13-hour long form, it took the time to let you really get to know the characters, something your average 90-minute slasher movie tends not to, so when characters you've grown to like get offed, you feel it in a way you don't when Freddy rakes some cardboard character with his glove and spouts a kooky one-liner. Also, though Harper's was cheesy as hell (but such delicious cheese!), there was some writing talent behind it. The dialogue was a lot better here than in your average slasher, especially in the later episodes -- again, this is probably because they had time to develop the characters instead of just giving them quick defining characteristics before turning them into puddles of goo.

Anyway, Harper's Island is over, and as an experiment in using a finite thirteen episodes to tell an entire story on American television, I think it was a success. It didn't get much viewership, but I liked it quite a bit and would love to see more horror and mystery miniseries make their way to the ~~airwaves~~ digital transmission system. After Harper's failure to capture a sizable audience, though, I'm not holding my breath that it'll happen anytime soon.

Still, kudos to CBS for giving it a shot, and for showing all the episodes (in order!) even after announcing its cancellation so all five of us who were watching could see it through to its conclusion.

When News Websites Cut Off Headlines in Exactly the Wrong Place

Sat, 11 Jul 2009 15:22:10 GMT

This from the Latest News column on CNN.com's front page this morning:

CNN Wire: Obama: Too many Africans...

Awesome job, CNN.com editors.

Click here to see the actual headline.

Writing Opportunity: Is Anyone Going to Comic Con This Year?

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 20:20:29 GMT

Is anyone planning to attend the San Diego Comic Con this year and also a fan of The Prisoner? My friends at AMCtv.com, the website of the AMC cable movie channel, are looking for a writer who'd be interested in covering their Comic Con Prisoner panel on July 24, which will include actor Jim Caviezel and others involved in the new miniseries, for AMC's SciFi Scanner blog.

If you're interested, please contact me at nkaufmann AT nyc DOT rr DOT com and I'll put you in touch.

Thanks!

THE STATE OF THE GENRE: The Monster Outside the Closet

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 04:21:10 GMT

My latest State of the Genre column is up at Fear Zone, and this time I lift up a rock to shine a light on the grotesque anti-gay sentiment that can sometimes be found in the "horror community," as well as highlighting some gay horror authors and straight horror authors unafraid of writing sympathetic and realistic gay characters.

In the letters column of the April 2009 issue of Rue Morgue magazine, a reader named Jerry Diego writes, "As a gay man who loves horror, I've rarely felt like the horror community embraces anything about us (other than killing us horribly in movies)...[yet] I know that not every horror fan is a single white male, testosterone-fuelled, T&A-loving homo-basher like every single forum of every horror site seems to suggest."

As someone who used to frequent horror message boards before I realized life was too short to spend that much time wading through nonsense, I've seen firsthand the macho, anti-gay attitude that can be prevalent in the horror community.

Go check out "The Monster Outside the Closet" and let me know what you think.

On the Eve of the Anniversary of Our Independence...

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 20:54:03 GMT

...I bring you this interesting bit of news.

Everyone's favorite governor is stepping down at the end of this month, a year and a half before the end of her term.

I can only assume the truth has come out about her secret lover in Argentina.

Enjoy the holiday weekend!

Most Welcome News Headline Ever

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 12:58:20 GMT

Eleven Time Lords Unite for Doctor Who Special.

While I would much rather see a full episode, or even a two-parter, uniting all the Doctors in celebration of the, um, 46th anniversary of the series, this news still fills me with the same childlike glee I felt when I first saw "The Five Doctors" in 1983.

It's a shame Patrick Troughton is no longer with us. He and David Tennant would have gotten on so well together. Still, the prospect of my three favorite actors in the role -- Tennant, Christopher Eccleston and Tom Baker -- all sharing the screen at the same time makes me embarrassingly giddy.

No Readercon Either

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 22:03:57 GMT

I just accepted another writing job with a pretty tight deadline in mid-July, so it looks like I won't have time for Readercon either this year. Sorry about that, I was looking forward to seeing a bunch of you there, but right now it's more important for me to make money than to spend it.

It feels weird not to be going to any conventions this year. No World Horror, no World Fantasy, no Stokers, no Necon, and now no Readercon. Ah well, see you all next year!

Keyboard Cat Makes My Day

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 20:08:42 GMT

This is the best use of the keyboard cat I've seen yet!

"A Horror Experience In the Toilet"

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 11:51:04 GMT

A Japanese author famous for his horror stories, including cult Japanese and eventually Hollywood film The Ring, has bizarrely produced a novel to be printed on rolls of toilet paper by manufacturer, Hayashi Paper.

The Koji Suzuki novel called "Drop" will be printed in short form on millions of rolls of toilet paper in a marketing coup for the Hayashi toilet roll company

Each roll will carry several copies of the new nine-chapter novella "Drop" by Koji Suzuki. Who knows the story may even be made into a cult film.

"Drop," is appropriately set in a public restroom. The Drop toilet paper novella takes up about three feet or 90 centimeters of a toilet roll. Koji Suzuki's "Drop" can be read in just a few minutes, according to manufacturer Hayashi Paper.

Hayashi promotes the toilet paper, which will sell for 210 yen or US$2.20 a roll, as "a horror experience in the toilet."

Vice President of Hayashi Paper Corp, Takaki Hayashi, said he had read the story and it is scary enough that you could almost crap ones pants.

"I've read the story and it's very scary," he said.

Koji Suzuki's Drop toilet paper story plays on the Japanese superstitions that ghosts and evil spirits inhabit the smallest room in the house. Toilets in Japan are often relegated to the most distant part of the home.

The AP notes that parents still tell naughty children that a hairy hand will seize them when they have their pants around their ankles if they misbehave and drag them down into the dark water below.

Japan is even more fucked up than I ever imagined.

Dear News Programs

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 23:47:37 GMT

Dear News Programs,

I understand that for your Michael Jackson retrospectives you want to show a clip from his most famous video, "Thriller." However, the sight of a recently deceased celebrity dancing with rotting corpses is a tad awkward. You may wish to rethink this.

Sincerely yours,
Nick

My July Schedule

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 16:13:20 GMT

Well, it looks pretty certain that I'm not going to be able to attend Necon this year. It's a shame, since this will be the first Necon I've missed since I started going in 2000, but with a lot of my friends not going this year and my wacky schedule and finances, it just isn't going to happen. I hope to make a triumphant return in 2010. Just like the monoliths.

Still up in the air about Readercon, which is only a couple of weeks away, so I really need to make up my frickin' mind. Unfortunately, it looks like today is the last day for registering at the hotel under the special rate, so that throws a possibly expensive spanner into the works.

Gah!

At Least Tom Cruise Didn't Win For "Valkyrie"

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 14:13:44 GMT

The winners of the 35th Annual Saturn Awards were announced last night, and it's always nice to see the Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy and Horror Films continuing to embarrass itself. Let's take a look at this year's bumper crop of winners, shall we? (You can see the full list of nominees here.)

Science Fiction Film: "Iron Man"

Not a bad choice. Certainly a step up from fellow nominees Eagle Eye, The Day the Earth Stood Still and Jumper. Not to mention that abominable Indiana Jones movie.

Fantasy Film: "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"

I haven't seen it, but the other nominees were so weak -- Prince Caspian anyone? -- that a big, popular Oscar-nominee seemed like a shoe-in.

Horror Film: "Hellboy II: The Golden Army"

Seriously? I saw Hellboy II and it made me embarrassed to be such a big fan of the first film. At least it didn't go to fellow nominees The Happening or The Mummy: Curse of the Dragon Emperor, which was one of the worst movies I've ever seen, but really, Quarantine lost out to a movie that looked like it was shot from the rough draft of an outline for the script?

Action/Adventure/Thriller Film: "The Dark Knight"

In the most useless category the Saturns offer, at least a fine film took it this year and we were spared the sight of Valkyrie and Traitor getting any awards ever.

Actor: Robert Downey, Jr. ("Iron Man")

A fine choice, since he's the reason Iron Man worked so well as a movie. Of course, being up against Will Smith for Hancock and Tom Cruise for Valkyrie made it kind of a shoe-in.

Actress: Angelina Jolie ("Changeling")

HOW IS THIS A SCIENCE FICTION, FANTASY OR HORROR MOVIE? Thank you, Saturn Awards, for reminding me you have no actual mission statement about genre films, just a cool, planet-shaped award and a parent organization with a meaningless name.

Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger ("The Dark Knight")

An excellent choice. Had it gone to fellow nominee Shia LeBeouf for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, I would have left civilization to go live in a cave where nothing would ever bother me again.

Supporting Actress: Tilda Swinton ("The Curious Case of Benjamin Button")

Another category of embarrassing nominees -- Joan Allen in Death Race? Really? -- but I love Tilda Swinton (I'm still waiting for Orlando 2: Payback's a Bitch) so I'm happy.

Performance by a Younger Actor: Jaden Christopher Smith ("The Day the Earth Stood Still")

Riiiiiight, because Smith was better than Lina Leandersson in Let the Right One In. Um, good job, Saturn Awards.

Director: Jon Favreau ("Iron Man")

A steal from the more worthy Christopher Nolan for The Dark Knight, but hey, at least Spielberg didn't win for Indiana Jones and the Flying Hubcap from Space.

Writer: Christopher Nolan and Jonathan Nolan ("The Dark Knight")

Good choice, but again here I would have gone with John Ajvide Lindqvist for Let the Right One In, which was a much more subtle and powerful script.

Music: Hans Zimmer and James Newton Howard ("The Dark Knight")

I guess they didn't like John Powell's score for Jumper.

Costume: Mary Zophres ("Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull")

Yeah, because the loincloths those Amazonian natives wore as they broke through the walls of their own temple, thus destroying their home for no good reason, were awesome.

Make-Up: Greg Cannom ("The Curious Case of Benjamin Button")

Here's where I actually would have gone with the also-nominated Hellboy II. Though why Tropic Thunder was also nominated in this category is beyond me.

Special Effects: Nick Davis, Chris Corbould, Timothy Webber, Paul J. Franklin ("The Dark Knight")

Again, not bad, but I would wager that Iron Man's special effects were actually more technically complex.

International Film: "Let the Right One In"

Finally! I hope the award was presented by Jaden Christopher Smith!

Animated Film: "Wall-E"

Television Series: "Lost"

And this year it actually deserved it!

Syndicated/Cable Television Series: "Battlestar Galactica"

Presentation on Television: "The Librarian: The Curse of the Judas Chalice"

Actor on Television: Edward James Olmos ("Battlestar Galactica")

Actress on Television: Mary McDonnell ("Battlestar Galactica")

Supporting Actor on Television: Adrian Pasdar ("Heroes")

Hahahahahahahahahaha! No really, who won? Michael Emerson on Lost, I hope, or even Henry Ian Cusick from the same show. Wait...this is real?

Supporting Actress on Televison: Jennifer Carpenter ("Dexter")

Guest Starring Role on Television: Jimmy Smits ("Dexter")

DVD Release: Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer"

Who? What? Never even heard of it outside of some ads in Rue Morgue.

DVD Special Edition Release: Stephen King’s The Mist" - 2 disc Special Edition

DVD Classic Film Release: "Psycho" - Universal Legacy Series

DVD Collection: "The Godfather: The Coppola Restoration"

HOW IS THIS A SCIENCE FICTION, FANTASY OR HORROR FILM? It doesn't even fit into the lame Action/Adventure/Thriller category the Saturns use to award movies where things blow up without being blasted by robots first!

Series on DVD: "Moonlight"

Hahahahahahahahahaha! No really, what won?

Retro Series on DVD: "The Invaders"

The Life Career Award: Lance Henriksen

Yay!

The Lifetime Achievement Award: Leonard Nimoy

Okay! Wait, how is this category different from the Life Career Award?

The Visionary Award: Jeffrey Katzenberg

For his push for 3D animation! Good enough.

And that wraps up another embarrassing edition of the Saturn Awards. Truly, the line between the Saturns and the Razzies grows thinner every year. See you next year, Saturns, when I look forward to seeing Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and Megan Fox sweep every category!

The TV Nerd Issues a Doctor Who Alert!

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 00:22:50 GMT

This Saturday, the 27th, the Doctor Who Christmas 2008 special, "The Next Doctor," will air on BBC America from 9-10:15 PM -- not on SciFi.

As I mentioned before, I think it's the best Christmas special they've done (I haven't been a fan of the previous ones). It also has the best first ten minutes of a Doctor Who episode ever.

Catch it if you can.

Merlin

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 04:15:35 GMT

Oof.

When I first heard about this Smallville-esque retelling of young Arthur and young Merlin in Camelot -- imported from the UK by NBC -- I was excited because, well, I like Smallville (though not as much these days, admittedly) and I like the legend of King Arthur (both Sir Thomas Malory and Excalibur!).

But oh my god was this bad. About ten minutes in, shortly after Anthony Stewart Head's "as you know, Bob" speech about how he, King Uther, has, as everyone knows, outlawed the practice of magic in all the kingdom under penalty of death and also caged up the last dragon under the castle blah blah blah...shortly after that I just went ahead and deleted it from my DVR schedule.

Still, I forced myself to sit through the whole episode, hoping something would hook me, but to no avail. In fact, it only got worse as the episode progressed, not better. Terrible special effects -- I never want to see Merlin's eyes glow gold again, and it's only been one damn episode -- terrible CGI dragons spouting platitudes about destiny, terrible attempts at humor that aren't funny no matter how much the incidental music wants you to think it is. Even poor Gwen from Torchwood had nothing to do as a sorceress intent on killing Arthur (though I did like all the little Snow White touches to that storyline: the mirror, the apple, the dress she wore to the recital -- if only they hadn't felt it necessary to show her true reflection in the mirror in every damn scene).

Anyway, I could go on but I don't want to waste any more time on this nonsense. The TV Nerd says this Merlin should never have been pulled from the stone.

Nice Article on Burning Effigy Press

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 15:10:37 GMT

Canadian website Newsfix has a feature article on my publisher Burning Effigy Press, including a nice shout out to General Slocum's Gold.

It's nice to see Slocum still getting some attention two years after it was published.

Straubathon: The Throat

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 15:32:35 GMT

Welcome, readers, to the glorious return of the Straubathon! For those not in the know, back in 2005, upon realizing that I had never read anything by the author so many of my friends called the best modern-day writer of horror and suspense, I vowed to read all of p_straub55's novels back to back and in chronological order. While the chronological approach remained, the back to back part didn't, as various other commitments forced me to break the process up instead of devouring them all at once. Which actually turned out to be for the best. Straub's novels are best savored like a fine wine, not gulped down like cans of Diet Coke on a hot day. (You can read previous installments of the Straubathon here.)

Which brings us to 1993's The Throat, the final volume in the extremely loose trilogy that also encompasses 1988's Koko and 1990's Mystery. Ostensibly, one can say that The Throat is about the hero of Koko (Tim Underhill, only really the semi-hero in that novel) and the hero of Mystery (Tom Pasmore, at once Underhill's literary alter ego and a real person) teaming up to solve the Blue Rose murders that shook up the town of Millhaven some forty years earlier, murders that ran through the background of both Koko and Mystery. It is, of course, about so much more than that, as Straub's work tends to be. It's also about identity and memory (as was Koko), and how the past informs the present (as was Mystery). And, in a strange way, it's also about letting go of the past, at least for Underhill himself once he discovers he has a shocking childhood connection to the killer. (The final three pages of the novel are a stunning description of acceptance and compassion.)

It's a hefty book, too. My Signet paperback version is 700 pages long, with a rather miniscule typeface, and yet I found myself speeding through the pages without my editor brain finding a single scene I would have cut in order to shorten it. Straub's work is so densely and rewardingly layered that every detail, every line of dialogue, transforms into an important aspect of the story -- a clue to the mystery's solution, and yet also a clue to Underhill's understanding of a world where someone like the Blue Rose killer can exist. There are even shades of Conrad's Heart of Darkness to be found in the story of Franklin Bachelor's exploits in Vietnam.

I'm told that upon its publication The Throat was not the commercial success they hoped it would be. I don't know if that's true or not, but I will say that if it is, it's a damn shame. The Throat is a masterpiece, one of the finest mystery/suspense novels since Thomas Harris' Red Dragon, and in my opinion deserves the same size audience. The moment I closed the book I called mssrcrankypants to discuss it and demand he send me the chapter he wrote on The Throat for his grad school thesis. I guess it speaks highly of the novel that after 700 dense pages, I want to read even more about it in the form of an academic paper!

Straub's novels have yet to disappoint me. But even more than being a master craftsman who tells compelling stories, his legacy, at least for me and for others in my trade, is that each novel of his I read makes me want to be that much better of a writer.

Up next in the Straubathon will be 1996's The Hellfire Club. (As a point of fun trivia, the first time I met Peter Straub was at the Bram Stoker Awards in New York City in the mid-1990s, when he read a bit from Hellfire at the Stoker reading series we then called Villa Diodati. It feels like I'm catching up to myself!)

Goodbye, Primeval. You Were Cool.

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 13:07:15 GMT

In terrible TV Nerd news, ITV has pulled the plug on Primeval, confirming that it won't be back for a fourth year.

A shame. This series about scientists vs. time-traveling dinosaurs (I know!) really grew on me over the course of its three seasons, the third of which is currently airing on BBC America on Saturday nights. There's talk of a feature film and a U.S. TV series, but I suspect both will wind up being remakes and not continuations of existing plotlines with the same cast. I really liked where things were heading with more revelations about the nature of the time anomalies, and I really, really liked the cast, so color me extra bummed.

Season three so far has been particularly bonkers, seemingly killing off the series' main character and introducing some new, interesting ones, like Dr. Sarah Page, who can't quite believe she's tracking dinosaurs through modern England, and Danny Quinn, an ex-cop who lost his brother to, yes, a dinosaur. With Jenny Lewis resigning from the team, it may be one cast shake-up too many for me, but at least the series is trying to keep itself fresh.

Or was trying to, anyway. We'll see where Primeval goes from here, but until then, I'll just have to make do with the remaining season three episodes and my memories of the fun I had playing with my plastic dinosaurs when I was little.

Cash Cab!

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 22:00:06 GMT

My friend Shade Rupe, who is without a doubt the luckiest man I know because he is always in the right place at the right time (his face can even be clearly seen in the City Hall crowd scene in Spider-Man 3), wound up on the show Cash Cab earlier this year. I only just found out about it recently during a conversation with mssrcrankypants, since I don't watch the show but Cranky's little boy loves it. Anyway, I managed to track it down on YouTube for your viewing enjoyment. It's actually quite riveting!

Click here to see Shade Rupe take on the mysteries of trivia while being driven through the wilds of New York City in a disco cab!

True Blood

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 04:11:41 GMT

Oh, True Blood, how I've missed you! Watching tonight's second season premiere reminded me why you're one of my new favorite shows -- you just don't stop with the crazy!

Crazy awesome, that is. Vampires, dungeons, shape-shifting thieves forced to have sex with the lady of the house (hot!), aristocrats smacking their butlers, vibrating snake women...the list of awesome never ends!

Seriously, I can't believe how many seeds planted in the first season are blooming now -- far more plot points than I remembered, actually.

And, as I suspected would happen last season, crazy teenage vampire Jessica is fast becoming my new favorite character!

Still, what is up with the big, metal Conan wheel? Maybe "Conan wheel" will be this season's "werecollie" for me.

Just A Reminder

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 13:55:23 GMT

Today is the day your TV explodes.

Your Next Title Could Be Just A Money Order Away!

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 04:06:52 GMT

I've decided it will be much easier for me to make a living just selling titles to needy authors instead of writing actual books. Writing is too time consuming and frustrating, and yet titles come to me every day with no effort at all. Therefore, I am making my services available to writers, effective immediately.

The first title being auction off:

Tiara of Thorns

Bidding begins a $100.

Good luck to you all!

A Tale of Bitter Woe, or, The Modern Prometheus

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 03:59:35 GMT

It looks like everyone on my friends list has a story in the anthology Haunted Legends - everyone but me!

*hangs self in Thai closet with rope around genitals*

R.I.P. David Carradine, 1936-2009

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 17:23:02 GMT

Superman didn't become Superman. Superman was born Superman. When Superman wakes up in the morning, he's Superman. His alter ego is Clark Kent. His outfit with the big red "S", that's the blanket he was wrapped in as a baby when the Kents found him. Those are his clothes. What Kent wears - the glasses, the business suit - that's the costume. That's the costume Superman wears to blend in with us. Clark Kent is how Superman views us. And what are the characteristics of Clark Kent. He's weak... he's unsure of himself... he's a coward. Clark Kent is Superman's critique on the whole human race.